It was always a torture opening up in front of other human beings… Potential judges, weapons… which you feed with your own trust till they use it against you.
Pencils and papers were always my friends. Silent, open, blank, unbiased, and always on my side. Sometimes they even let me weep over them and smudge their pretty pages in ink and tears…
They never spoke a word against me. Never in my favour either really, but they let me fill them with my self. What could be a better commitment than to allow a human to completely fill you up…?
These pencils wrote a quadrillion words to express my pain and these pages absorbed ’em all like they were it’s own.
But then I stopped.
I found a person similar to that. I filled him and filled him with lots of love. I filled him till there was no more space to fill. He absorbed my pain just like the pages of my diary did. And he let me cry on him too. He did more in fact. He wiped those tears away for me.
But human beings are deadly weapons. They operate by choice and mood of their own.
All you have to do is load them up with your trust and your secrets. Tell them your flaws and your mistakes. Tell them your regrets and the truth about yourself and wait to see how the gamble turns out. More often than not they will shoot it all back together at you when you will be least expecting it.
They’re the revolver and your trust, the bullets. Tell them all your secrets and fill them with your trust and it will be the same as loading up a gun with bullets. Tell them more and more till there’s no space to fill them anymore and they’ll be a wholly loaded gun pointing right at you.
Now smile and say I trust you.
Soon after you’ll hear screams and find the paramedics collecting your traces off the ground.
I’m waiting now
Waiting to hear my sweet melody
The sound of their voice
The sound of their heart beat
Or the sounds that they make
In the innocence of their sleep
But there’s no melody any more
No music
No heavenly sound of their presence
Just dead silence
Sometimes, you’ve just gotta let it pass
Let it slide
Remember all the smiles
Not the tides
That had ruined your lives
But the calm blue skies
And the sun that shines
While you still hide
In that awful place
Claiming the sun has died
And that there is no life
Outside of that messy pile
Wherein you hide
Oh but well, it is your loss after all
The sun can’t shine
On its own in your eyes
But it shines still and reflects in everyday smiles
Of that young man who falls
In love
With the sun’s inescapable shine every time.
“As women when we fight for our rights in our struggle to stand next to men in total and absolute equality, men are not really the ones that defeat us; even though they are the ones that insult us and discourage us the most.
The ones that defeat us are in fact women…
Those women that side with men.
And you know what’s ironic? They side with men by standing behind men. Not beside them.”