It had started little by little. Brick by brick, it kept building inside me. ‘What?’ you ask?
Agony. Despair. Depression.
First was the stage when I just laughed it off. Then was the stage when I was annoyed but still tried to smile it away. But gradually, I began losing hope and sulked into depression. When I screamt into my pillow and questioned God ‘Why?’. I fell apart knowing that I will never have the answer to that heart wrenching question-Why. Knowing that there is no one to hear me out; No one to see the pain I’m carrying around in my chest; No one to help; No one to give a little word of comfort or advice.
And then came the stage when I slept. I slept through it all because the pain was numbed. I slept through it all because the tears refused to come. The screams turned to moans and then into a peaceful sleep. ‘Cause crying seemed hopeless. Nobody would listen…
And then came somebody. Somebody I didn’t know. Somebody who made me feel special and blessed.
That somebody told me this:
‘One doesn’t go to paradise for no reason in the hereafer. It’s the people who struggle; It’s the people who are patient. Those people who struggle are more special to God because throughout all of the pain and despair, they still thanked God’
What I understood by that is this: God gave me a chance to go to paradise by giving me problems. All I have to do is smile and say it’s okay. All I have to do is say Alhamdu Lillah ’cause someone out there has it worse.
Yes, I have problems right now. Yes, just smiling wont help me solve them. But in the end, the victory will be mine.