So sorry….

My heart….My innocent little heart…It Began to dream again…It tried to be strong and started hoping again….I don’t know what exactly it was hoping for…Maybe a story of Cinderella with a happy ending, or maybe the story of the elves and the shoemaker where the efforts of the elves are finally discovered and they’re given gifts that they deserved…
My heart was not asking for much, though…Only some respect. My heart was at the point where it decided that it was ready to forgive everyone; It had decided to take back all the pain that it had inflicted on anyone; It was ready to realise that calling someone a bunch of obscenities wouldn’t help it get what it deserved.
Just when it thought that things had finally begun to look up; Just when it thought that maybe….Just maybe, this time it wont fall apart; Just when it thought there is no reason to be sad……It broke. Just like that.
Just like that…Without a warning; Without a clue, it broke. Just when the previous scars were about to heal, they began to bleed….Instead of getting healed, they just got deeper.
All the hope…….It just got crushed. It turned into despair….Why….? Maybe, my heart forgot this tiny little fact: Dreams…are not meant for me.
It forgot again…just like before. Jusl like so many times in the past, it forgot that the words ‘hope’, ‘joy’, ‘happiness’…The words are just not in the dictionaries of it’s fate….My hearts fate…It only holds heartbreaks and depression.
And now…My heart is paying for falling into this trap of hope and dreams. It’s paying by aching; By breaking; By falling apart….By waiting for death; For it all to be over….But even death is not so merciful as to finish everything off…It just doesn’t come…It seems like an endles wait…So long; So painful…So full of agony…
It’s funny though….My heart is so broken, that it cannot even muster up the strength to finish everything off by itself…To just pick a blade and end everything….It’s fallen weak…So weak…
Though, I think it still has a bit strength to be sorry….To be sorry for hoping; For dreaming. It still has the strenght to take back all the pain it caused everybody else; It still has the strength to blame itself for hurting others unkowingly: It still has the strenght to say that if it caused anyone any kind of a pain, it didn’t mean to….The words just slipped. But, it didn’t mean the hurtful words…
It’s sorry…I’m sorry…..So sorry……..


2 thoughts on “So sorry….

  1. “Honey, I am here for you with all my love. I love you so much, that I died for you, so you never have to suffer again, because I gave you a blessed hope. It is not my fault people turned my reality into religion.” Jesus

    “Praying for you!” Beate

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