It takes so much effort to say it. I know it’s my fault. She knows it’s my fault. Everybody knows it’s my fault. Then why is it so hard. Why is my ego protesting? Why si my ego so selfish as to stop my concience from taking control? Why am I letting my ego get stronger when I know that it’s wrong? I have to say sorry, but it’s just so hard….
So hard…I know that things might get better if I say sorry…It will be so much easier…So it’s a positive thing, right? To say sorry? Then why is my ego objecting so much? Why aren’t my lips saying it while my brain is trying to force it to say it? Why does it bring me to tears to say sorry?
If someone else was in my place, I would say that the person is retarded to not say sorry. But now, I guess I understand why people don’t apologize when they know that they should. I regret ever doing such a thing. It’s brought me to such a terrible position. A position where I’m burning with guilt but still stopping myself from apologizing.
It doesn’t even make sense…But it’s still so hard. Truely, sorry is a very hard word…Just a five letter word, so easy to pronounce , such a small word…yet so hard. Now I see how ego can make someone so selfish. It makes me feel so superior while I’m not. Oh lord…Sorry is such a hard word…