Escape?

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Escape. I want to… run away; Start again. A new life in a new place with new people. A new beginning, a new start, a new day, a new ray of hope. Escape from the mess I made; Escape from this darkness; Escape from this tangled web of emotions…. Escape from obligations and responsibilities; Escape from this burden of expectations. I want to enter a light that comes from within. A light that only exists in dreams.

Dreams… I want all of them to come true. Each and every one of them. I want all my fantasies to come to life. I want to move on, turn the page, and start a new adventure. I want to unravel the mysteries of this dull life of mine. While I’m stuck on this page of life, I imagine all kinds of possibilities that would appear on the next page. Do you know the feeling? When you want to scream? Not because you’re agonized, but because you’re unbearably happy.  When you’re craving a twist in your life. When you want to meet new people. When you want to dance and sing until you fall.

If you do know the feeling, then you will also know that this feeling only comes when you’re numbed of all emotions, when you’re too depressed and then all of a sudden you start breathing emotions again. When the shell of numbness around you starts to crack and lets in oxygen while you’re suffocating with the pressure of depression. This point in life when you start wanting people to be happy. When you start noticing others’ smiles and frowns and tears; Their gestures of love and pain… When you want to do all that you can to help the people who are literally strangers to you. When you just cannot bare another tear of someone else. When the fact that ‘somedbody else is also hurt’ gets unbarable. When you feel that there is already too much hurt on earth to bare another frown on another face. When you just want the whole world to smile for no reason at all. And when your heart aches to the point of suffocation while you dream of Escape from all this hurt. While you fantasize about a life with the sun shining bright, making the whole world cheerful.

Do you know the feeling? The feeling of escape? Simply escape…? The feeling of living? Actually living, rather than existing. Rather than just breathing while your heart beats. The feeling of life. Do you?

The simpe feeling of life? I know it. It’s painful, yet beautiful…. It’s beautiful.

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