Up until now, I had held you as a valuable memory. But it was an ordinary remembrance. Just how you were a very understanding friend and would comfort me when I was sad. How you always used to listen to my pathetic jokes and tease me later with the same old jokes. How we studied together and became friends. Without me having to say a thing, you would know that I’m upset.
But eventually, life brought on a few twists and we got separated. I don’t know why, but we stopped talking. That had hurt. But I did see you glance my way with concerned eyes every now and then when you thought I wasn’t looking. That made me feel a bit better. Maybe it wasn’t over after all. But then we both left school all of a sudden. We never got the chance to speak. At that time, I would desire to talk to you so bad, that I used to have dreams about you in which you were upset. You wouldn’t talk to anyone. You needed to talk to someone and I needed to be that someone. Those dreams used to make me feel even more guilty. But gradually, I moved on…..a bit.
Then I moved on. It’s been years now. I had started thinking of you as a memory and that’s all. A nostalgic memory. But I guess that my subconscious mind has linked you with my bad times. Bad times of such, that when life gets so miserable, that I start having nightmares. It has happened before, but it was years ago. I had almost forgotten. I used to have nightmares, but then my subconscious mind would give me something beautiful to cling on to by making me dream of you. I had forgotten what it felt like….until now, of course.
After having nightmares for the past one week, my subconscious mind projected a beautiful dream of you in my sleep. While all the dreams I’ve had about you were usually sad like you being upset or us getting separated, this time the dream was happy. Beautiful. This time, we met co-incidentally and it was amazing to watch you and I recount our doings in the past. I think I still miss the part of us where I would be upset about something and you would comfort me and try to take my mind off of it. ‘Cause that is how my subconscious mind relates to you. Because now, this dream is just so beautiful that it had taken my mind off of the terrible things that are going on right now.
Though, yet the dream is so beautiful, that it makes me sad. I mean I saw you and I reunite and laugh and joke and all and it just make me realise how much I miss you. I never thought that I would write about you on my blog, but I just wish that somehow you would stumble upon my blog and read this and know that it is about you.
I miss you so much that I could keep writing pages over pages about you but it will never be enough. Not even close to enough. No amount of words could cover the roller coaster ride I’ve had with you. No word could cover the concept of you. The fact that you exist is beautiful in itself. You will just never know how much you effected my life and I will forever keep hoping that you know that someone out there prays for you every day. I’ll never be able to tell you how much you mean to me, so I’ll just end it here, hoping that you would catch a glimpse of my love and adoration for you.