Time did this to me.

girl

As I’ve grown up, I’ve realised that I was wrong for wishing to be big when I was small. I didn’t know what I had then. Instead, I used to think that growing up would be fun…. Apparently, it’s not. I was dead wrong. This life, in turn is dreadful. It’s the same boring routine everyday. I can’t even do half the things I want to. I stay awake every night and keep questioning my life out of depression. It’s terrible…

I remember when I was small. When I and my family used to go to the park ever day. When my brother and I used to play catching catch… Our biggest worry used to be our spelling test in class. I remember when we used to dream about Cinderella and Spider-Man in our sleep. When we literally used to speak our heart out without even caring of what we said. When we used to laugh at our own insults ’cause we never understood that they were supposed to hurt. When we used to hug just anyone for no reason at all. I remember when we used to pull faces at each other and when the biggest bad words used to be “stupid” and “idiot”. When our biggest dream used to be to live in a world full of chocolate…

Now that I’ve grown older, I miss that old life. I have none of those things remaining in life. I don’t hug anyone for no reason anymore, because society says it’s weird. My biggest worry is to make a good impression on people. It’s so important to me that I don’t even care if I’m lying about my whole personality to someone. I don’t dream of Cinderella or Spider-Man anymore. Instead, I have nightmares. I used to think that growing up is “fun”, but I guess not. It just appears fun because it’s fake. I fake it, too. I’m forced to fake it. So, everyday I wake up and pretend that growing up is fun. Now, I don’t laugh at my own insults anymore because I know that they’re supposed to hurt. It’s no big deal to hear swear words every five minutes, anymore…. This life is the very meaning of “trash”.

I mean, can you believe it? My biggest worry seems to be to make a fake good impression on everyone. Trashy, isn’t it?

My childhood was beautiful. I had asked God to make me big. He did. Now, I’m asking him to make me small again. Will He?

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3 thoughts on “Time did this to me.

    1. oh, me too. My biggest desire is to go back to being an irresponsible little girl….
      BTW, I instantly fell in love with you and your blog when I read it. It means a lot that you checked out mine 🙂

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