Men

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“90% of men are rash and reckless wolves.

9% of men are the tame wolves.

1% of ‘em are actually men”.

 –

So when a man says that he’s not like most men, he doesn’t mean that he’s not a wolf.

All he means is that he’s not a rash, impatient, dangerous wolf.

Because if he really was a man that fell under the 1%, he would not say to you that he’s different.

He wouldn’t need to say it.

He’d be it.

He’d live it.

You wouldn’t need to hear it.

You would see it.

The thing about these tame wolves is that they don’t play.

They love.

Really love.

No doubt about it.

But at the same time, they do all that which wolves do.

They violate you.

Because somehow their love becomes their license to touch you.

And what kind of love is that?

Where there is no respect?

Just because a woman is okay with you rubbing mud on her face doesn’t mean that you actually do rub mud on her face.

A woman who loves might not mind if the man she loved made her filthy.

But a man who loves her will not make her filthy anyway

A wolf on the other hand… will.

That’s the difference.

Be a man, sweetheart.

Not an animal.

An animal just does.

It goes to the female and does its thing.

No need for marriage contracts and wedding ceremonies.

But you’re not an animal.

You’re a man.

So be a man.

Wait for the contract.

For the legal permission.

Keep your hands off of each other.

 – Hiba

P.S. No I don’t wanna hear your bullshit about how I’m wrong. 
I’m a woman.
I know. 

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73 thoughts on “Men

      1. Well considering the nature women, and trust me I’m not lying, women aren’t that way. They know how to hold themselves back. It’s men that cannot help it. It’s in the nature of a man. Allah talks about it in the Qur’an. It is men who find women overwhelmingly appealing.
        Not women.
        That is also the reason that women are the ones that are instructed to take precaution. Men don’t need to be cautious because women don’t have that kind of a pull towards men generally. So obviously women won’t violate or assault men in most general cases.
        But of course there’s no denying that there are the strange minority cases.
        But I’m not here to debate.
        Just here to share my understanding 🙂

  1. Haha.Not saying you are wrong 😛 we are animals
    And great piece when it comes to those asses who assaulted these women In Cologne. Finland. Why can’t we keep our hands to ourselves? Where is the respect?

      1. It truly saddens me to see to what we have become.
        The image of what we try to either hide or pretend not to be. Or is it the image we so desperately want to escape from.
        The harder we try to leave it behind the more we see it return.

        Despicable

        Again I liked the read very much.!

      2. I’m glad you reflected over it…
        Well I think it’s important that men discuss and address these problems themselves instead of running from such topics.
        Thanks for your feedback though 🙂

      3. I have been reflecting on it for a long time ever since I found out a good friend abused his lady.

        But I am a wolf just the same. I can be calm calculated loving but I to know I have a limit and a blind spot. And that I need to keep in check.

        But we are in denial, Men that is. Or still hold old values as a norm.

        After all daddy tells you stories about conquests not love. It is how we grow up.

      4. I think that’s also why daddy tells us stories about men being wolves.
        I think we need to raise our kids right.
        Teaching our sons about conquests will lead us to teaching our daughters about safety and precaution.

      5. It is where it all starts. What we teach our kids. And somewhere we made mistakes.
        We shouldn’t talk about safety, we should simply be safe at all times.

        Thank you Hiba for addressing this.

  2. Very powerful poem 🙂 Agreed to every line. I Think Being a Man is set of qualities and characteristics you need to practice and a personality just being a male doesn’t make you man, you need to show it with your behavior . I see more women with those characteristics and qualities of a man these days , Its hard finding a man in a male actually 🙂 agreed to 1% theory too ,

      1. I’m saying because I know my “womanly nature”.
        Women aren’t that helpless when it comes to holding themselves back.
        It’s actually a psychological fact about women, but I’m not here to debate. I don’t really care of your opinion differs. It’s part of being human… People are different and their perceptions are different too, based on their experiences…
        Have a nice day, Kaif 😂

  3. Hun, you have every right to your opinion. And ooh, is prove the reply you gave Sana about easing your sons right, In Sha Allah. A lot of time, the training is focused on the girls and the men are left as they are which is so wrong. I mean, how came we expected our daughters to be treated as the queens they are when we raise our men to be less than kings. Well written!

    1. Thank you!
      God thanks for agreeing! It frustrates me when people raise their sons like that. In a way where the security of the daughters gets threatened.

  4. This was damn powerful. You have got it in your words.
    I seem to doubt even my ease of judgement. Thank you for this powerful reminder. 🙂

      1. There is this thing that I always say to people around me.
        “This world is never going to be a better place. We’re nearing dooms day anyway.”
        So, instead of expecting people change their attitudes towards us, why not change ourselves for the better and show them how I like to be treated. And that I’ll never satisfy upon anything less than this.
        Keep moving. You deserve a lot more than this. 🙂

      2. Yeah the realization that “doom’s day” is close makes me feel helpless too.
        But subhanAllah, change is supposed to begin within ourselves. It’s our effort that matters to Allah. The fact that we’re taking steps closer to betterment, no matter how small they are. When we make our intentions pure and for the sake of Allah, He helps us gain results.
        Bless you, Saiz 🙂

  5. Well, I’m confused beyond doubt.
    But I think the race to grow up fast is a contributing factor. We all are in a race to reach a place, the place we know nothing about and once we reach there, we are aiming at something else. Everything is losing its essence, its importance./

    I’d also say your generalization could very well be wrong or it could completely be right. But there is no defining criteria of being a men right now and even if there is then I deny to follow that.

    And I am not defending myself or other men but I am simply stating that generalizing is one of the worst things there is just like believing people right away is. One who does wrong is wrong, genders won’t make a difference there. Such as killing a person is, no matter who does it.

    Talking about the point you had of Islam in one of the comments, I’d like to add one thing- I am fully aware that the Purdah system doesn’t works one way, it is an effort both the sexes have to make. The men protect their gazes while females guard themselves, so it’s a combined effort.

    I might be intruding here but I thought for a long time before giving my opinion and I don’t have a right since you are the rightful owner of this blog. You please feel free to delete this comment if you want. 🙂

    1. Hmm… Generalizing may be wrong in your opinion, but often certain crimes are committed by only a certain group of people generally. And if that’s the case, it’s important that it be addressed. No ones saying that if a woman does it, it isn’t wrong. What in saying is that there’s something about this crime that usually it’s usually committed by men and of course that needs to be addressed.
      For example both men and women are taught that hitting people is wrong. Yet statistically speaking, it is men who hit women in most cases? And that definitely doesn’t make the women who hit men innocent but there’s definitely something wrong that is being taught to our boys that they feel their hitting women is justified?
      Why is it men who usually commit these crimes?
      There’s something essentially wrong about the way we’re raising our sons.
      To give you another example, suicide rates are higher for men than they are for women. Why do you think that is? Obviously because we’re the ones who told our boys to shut up and man up about their problems because crying is somehow feminine?
      Obviously we are raising our sons wrong.
      And that results in them getting more violent or depressed than women.
      And their problem needs to be addressed.
      It cannot be left open both for men and women. It needs special attention of its own for men.
      Rehman, if we stop addressing the problems of certain groups of people that contribute to violence it unrest in the community, then we’re gonna get nowhere in trying to find peace.
      Yes the purdah system goes both ways.
      Men and women both have a specified dress code according to Islam, but yet men are never taught this.
      You won’t believe how many Muslim men never knew that they had certain limitations for their garments just as women.
      The flaw is not in religion. It’s in the way we as people let our sons off easy.
      We raise them to be arrogant, not humble. We raise them to stand their ground. Yet being “stubborn” or aggressive” for a girl is the worst thing to be since it’s not very feminine. So we’re told to compromise and bow our heads in front of men.
      Don’t you think that’s a flaw?
      We forced our daughters to be soft and feminine enough to never stand their ground even if the to rights are being violated?

      1. So why blame men? Why not me? Not as a man but as a person and as a human being.
        Why not blame your self? why not blame parents?

        When you say certain crimes are committed by only a certain group of people, who are you blaming or pointing at? All things need to be addressed, that is true and I never said that was the wrong thing to do. That must be done.

        When a guy is told to shut up and take it, when he is told to not cry because that’s something women do, when a guy likes something against the standard he is laughed at. That is when you create a man who acts on impulses and rules because he has been ruled. The one who has been ruled will rule, always.

        What do you do, when you do all this? You build a man who violates others and believe me he violates not just women but anyone. ANYONE including men. No surprises there, believe me at this one.

        A kid who sees tensions and fights in his childhood is the adult who grows up and thinks that nothing ever works out. And eventually it never works out for him( or for her).
        See this is a chain and the problem needs to solved from the start, you cannot expect to address my problems without knowing the reason(s) behind this.

        As a boy I was taught not to hit anyone, not just girls. I was taught to respect, not just women but everyone. I would have to present an explanation for talking to my elder brothers without respect, and then I’d have to pay the price.

        A boy who grew up in the vulgar streets has seen things like that all his life and he simply repeats. Why did he remain with those people? Luck, life or parents? There are bigger forces at work and they need to be addressed.

        I believe in addressing problems, that is necessary but I’m afraid to say your post put accusations more and addressed them less. I am sorry if I am speaking my mind here but I think I must have a say. There is no certain group of people, there are just individuals who do it. I know men do it more but they get harassed too, they get laughed at, they get ridiculed, they have to prove their manliness at every step, there are standards of being a man. You need to hangout till late night, maybe have a few drinks and get high because that is something most males do at certain ages. And nothing makes doing ugly things right because what is wrong will be wrong in any given situation, as I said the price must be paid.

        But saying that just 1 percent are okay is a long shot.

        We need to erase the generalization. We need to accept people as they are and respect them no matter what. It is something we all deserve and equally and doesn’t Islam says that All men are created equal? So why do we do it? Why do we divide and create boundaries that aren’t supposed to be made?

        It is not about standing their ground but what must be taught is respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others. When you respect yourself you limit your actions and words and when you respect others you do the right thing.

        Blame men or the parents for making their daughters soft? Or blame them for making their sons a bully. Blame anyone you want but the problems must be addressed properly. They need a solution and not fingers being pointed at you or at anyone else.

      2. I respect your thoughts wholly, Rehman.
        Really I do.
        You’re right. We do need to address women AND men about being more accepting.
        Men should have the privilege to be able to cry and express themselves without having to get violent and women should be able to stand their ground and have access to their rights.
        But I don’t think my anger is invalid.

      3. I believe you have your reasons, Hiba. I really believe that but if we blame we kill some hope. And the last thing we would want to do is kill hope.

        Men believe what they want to believe and so do women. But let me assure you complaints will never ever end.

        We have differences and we should respect them like I said about respect in the prior comment.

        The fact is I was enraged on seeing no comments that addressed major issues, issues that need our attention, mine and yours. Some people didn’t even read it twice.

        There is nothing wrong to stand on certain grounds, be it anyone. Males or females, I’d say stand for what is right. If you see something wrong happening against men you say it, you address it, you kill the wrong belief. And this again comes to the part of generalization and acceptance. We are no one to judge. NEVER.

        You anger might be valid and I am one to judge that but imagine Hiba, what if you used it to create some positive changes by taking this in a way that everyone could relate to it. We are the change this world needs, we are the people who have to get up and do it.

        It is hard but certainly not impossible.

        It is good that you made this post, you at leat started and it is the reason we are having this conversation. I thought of not presenting my opinion but then again what difference could I have ever made?
        🙂

      4. Gimme a moment to down that much of intelligence coming from a man.
        I mean wow, most men don’t even like to address this problem, they usually run from these topics but whatever.
        I’m thinking that you’re actually right.
        While my anger may be valid, it will do nothing but contribute to further misunderstandings.
        It’s better to address the issues instead of getting mad.
        We’ll talk about this again some time.
        You’re interesting 🙂
        Ps. Do forgive me if I have offended you in any way.

    2. Btw, I think I made more of an angry post than an enlightening one and that was because I already knew people would try and get to “why” I made such a post.
      See we automatically got to the root of the problem.
      I also wanted to define the concept of man hating. When women say they hate men, they don’t mean that they don’t want men to have access to privileges or an easy life or whatever. It doesn’t mean that we go out if our way to make their lives miserable.
      All it means is that we are sick of them committing these crimes and still never acknowledging that they are damaging society.
      All it means is that we’re sick of being labeled as brats when we stand our ground or demand more when right in front of us, men can be stubborn and yet never get labeled as brats.
      Obviously there are certain privileges that men have because of the way society raises girls and boys different, and that leads to is being mad at men in general.
      Mostly because men won’t acknowledge that they have in fact got the upper hand in society.
      From within their homes to places of work. Men keep complaining that somehow feminism is something wrong.

  6. I can’t believe I missed this one! You are so right. If you’re a man, be a man, you don’t have to tell anyone, it’s obvious. And even if a woman allows disrespect, doesn’t make it okay. Preach!

  7. And so many men will never understand what it feels like to be viewed as a piece of meat. So many years I changed the way I dressed, behaved, the places I went, I hid because I didn’t want to get harassed. I’m stronger now. But it changes who you are.

    Okay I think I’m done now. 🙂 Amazing post, by the way!

    1. Same here. Men just don’t understand that their behavior with us impacts our life in these many ways.
      Btw our clothes are just an excuse though. Being a Muslim, I wear the Hijab and the burqa (the black gown over my clothes). Without the veil.
      Somehow even that was enough for a man to wanna offer me a ride to hotel suites in his Mercedes 🙄
      Often they blame the way a women dresses saying that her dress is provocative but that’s a lie and I can confirm it.
      They don’t understand the kind of fear or paranoia a woman might feel if she walks alone on a street and happens to come across a group of four or five men. A single man coming across a group of women won’t be similar you know? That man would have no reason to be afraid…

      1. That’s so true. I have been completely covered up and still had rude comments made. We always have a level of fear right beneath the surface when we see a group of men, like you said. That makes me so angry.

      2. And that’s not the only kind of oppression. It’s so upsetting that even our right to stand up for ourselves is often used against us because we aren’t being soft and polite and compromising and “lady like”.
        Hopefully the next generation will be raised my women who know to fight for themselves and hopefully we will raise our sons to know better.

    2. This is such a good point. Men I’ll never understand what it is like to be treated like a piece of meat from a woman’s perspective. They interpret lack of respect in many ways. But since their sexuality is physical, it seems like a non issue to be viewed in physical terms in a sexual way. Another point you made, which I agree with is that men should just be men and stop browbeating us women about it. I get tired of men coming up to me for a conversation, wanting me to like them but at the same time telling me I’m not worthy of even a little respect. Then they wonder why I turn my back and walk away. Of course I’m going to scorn that behaviour. Men don’t like to be told what they are doing wrong because it hurts their ego but someone has to tell them that if they want respect for women they are going to have to be better.

      1. YES!
        And obviously this kind of behavior from them generally leads us to be distant and stern with every man we interact with just so that he knows to stay within his limits. And then they wonder why we behave like that to them. They complain that “not all men”. But it was the behavior of “all men” that forced us to be that way right? Why would we be stern with every man just cause of one man? Where’s the sense in that?

      2. This is so true, Hiba. It’s not the one guy. It’s a collective disregard for how words and actions affect others. Women do it, too, but this is because we are sort of molded and shaped in our own gender specific boundaries. I don’t think it’s practical to expect men to sit down and explain to us how they think but I think that if enough of us say “no” they’ll have to try something that works.

  8. I so love this poem Hiba 🙂 although it had lot of anger in it but who said anger is not an emotion and it needs to be expressed. May be not for others but for our own selves , I loved how people came forward on your post in defense or support , it was worthwhile to read their thoughts. 🙂

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