Lessons # 1

“As women when we fight for our rights in our struggle to stand next to men in total and absolute equality, men are not really the ones that defeat us; even though they are the ones that insult us and discourage us the most.
The ones that defeat us are in fact women…
Those women that side with men.
And you know what’s ironic? They side with men by standing behind men. Not beside them.”

– Hiba

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58 thoughts on “Lessons # 1

  1. i love how you’ve said it, i just recently started writing on this topic of woman’s rights and men’s mental thinking of woman;and the woman that side with them… if by any chance what you’ve said fits into my writing, may i use it? with all due respect, of-course crediting you…

  2. > “As women when we fight for our rights …

    Women have all the legal right that men currently have, and many more besides.

    In terms of facts (rather than feelings) men have far less rights than women in today’s society. Ask a men’s rights activist (or google it) and you will find a long list of specific, named legal rights which they are trying to get for men – rights which women already have or have more of (divorce law, child custody, reproductive autonomy, genital integrity etc).

    Can you name a single legal right men have which women currently do not?

    Can you name a single campaign from modern feminists which has been about women gaining an specific legal right, which men already have (rather than just complaining about being called ‘bossy’, or not liking how men sit on trains)?

    ‘Gender equality’ is 2016 means elevating men to the same legal status as women.

    1. I never once denied that men are being denied rights too.
      And I don’t know where you sat and wrote your comment, ’cause lets first acknowledge that we live nations apart and that we belong to different cultures and backgrounds. Somehow you’re implying that the entire world is progressing at the same pace as America. When really, it’s not.
      Women are still subject to an incredible amount of injustice and for us to speak up for our rights is still very important.
      And as a woman that believes is gender equality, I support men too. It’s not a competition. I’m not trying to stand in front of men. I’m trying to stand NEXT to them. And they have all the right to try and stand by us as well.
      But for you to bring in all the legal inequalities that men go through in the west was pretty irrelevant. We live in a different society where the legal situation is very different. I respect your opinion though. It’s very valid, but maybe not so much if you’re speaking to someone in the East.

      1. > I never once denied that men are being denied rights too.

        You talked about equality. You said “As women when we fight for our rights in our struggle to stand next to men in total and absolute equality..”. This implies men have more rights than women, and that women need to gain those rights in order to be equal to men. But the opposite is true. Women have more rights than men. It is men who need to gain rights if they are ever to become equal to women.

        > Women are still subject to an incredible amount of injustice and for us to speak up for our rights is still very important.

        No, PEOPLE are still subject to an incredible amount of injustice. That includes men and women, girls and boys (and animals too). One of the injustices men and boys face is to be depicted by feminists as ‘privileged’ – even when they have less rights than women.

        > Somehow you’re implying that the entire world is progressing at the same pace as America.

        American (and the west in general) has progressed in some respects, but regressed in other respects. In most non-western nations life is tough for men AND women. Both have their respective issues, and gender roles for both sexes have their benefits AND their drawbacks. Feminists only point to the drawbacks of female gender roles and the advantages of male gender roles. They never look at the big picture in an unbiased way.

        > And as a woman that believes is gender equality, I support men too. It’s not a competition.

        It would be nice if it wasn’t a competition, but in a practical sense it IS a competition. There is only so much money and time and energy (and compassion and sympathy) to go around, and so it makes sense to give it to the most deserving groups first.

        Feminists make sure to control the media, education, academia and politics so they can train everyone to view men as ‘privileged’ and women as ‘victims’… and to view men as ‘actors’ (men do things) and women as ‘acted upon’ (women have things done to them). This is not progressive at all, this is a very traditional (‘patriarchal’) way to view men and women.

        When society has been trained to ignore the facts and to view men and women this way automatically, it is easy for feminists to get their hands on the majority of public money, services, support, and sympathy… leaving men with virtually nothing.

        The vast majority of tax money and charity money is spent on women’s shelters, women’s helplines, women’s services, women’s initiatives ……. and virtually nothing is spent on men. The law is the same. There are loads of laws and regulations designed to help women… all at the expense of men.

        A feminist society is a ‘he for she’ society.

        What liberated women (and men) in the west was not feminism, but new technology. Feminism is the RESULT of washing mashies, nice office jobs (instead of just manual labour jobs), the pill and big socialist governments able to tax men and give the money to single mothers. Without these inventions there could be no feminism.

        Feminism in the west is doing all it can to cling on to traditionalist gender roles for men and women….. with feminists demanding gender segregation and a strict ‘he for she’ society (chivalry). Feminists define women as precious, fragile, weak, sexual objects who cannot (and should not be expected to) cope with the demands of adult living and living as equals to men. Feminists in the west are demanding special treatment like ‘safe spaces’ for women to escape DEBATES, because (apparently) to hear opinions you don’t agree with is too much for fragile women to cope with. Recently some feminists were invited to speak at the UN to advocate for internet censorship because women can’t cope with people disagreeing with them on the internet either or being rude. This is not progressive. This is like a century ago when it was considered ‘impolite’ to swear or talk about ‘adult subjects’ like sex or politics in the presence of women!

        If feminists have their way the west will soon become like the middle east with women being shielded from adult life and treated more like delicate vases (under wraps and mostly kept indoors).

      2. We live in different worlds sweetheart. All your opinions are valid but not to somebody that lives in the east.
        When I talk about gender equality, I talk about it in the sense that is required by the society I reside in. I speak in context of the situation in the east.
        You’re confusing my words. You’re taking them in the context of your own society.
        Men here have way more privileges and rights than women. And while women do have rights according to law, they’re still being deprived of it due to the ignorance present in society. Women here have given up their rights and expect other women to do it too. And that’s disgusting.
        Plus all those legal rights are just for “political correctness”. Nobody really abides by them.
        Sometimes I feel like feminism in the west is pretty shit cause they whine about all the little things when really there are still many major problems that women face due to inequality, but then again, those inequalities are not really present in the west. They are present here, and they need to be addressed. So when I talk about gender equality, I talk of it in context of the east. And in the east, women are still being denied their “legal” rights.

      3. Oh and by the way, for you to sit in the west and talk about the injustices men and women go through in the east is pretty ignorant whole you’ve got no clue. You’ve never been here and you’ve never lived here all your life. Of course men and women both have it tough in the east but yet men have it easier than women in many regards.
        You can’t sit and pass judgments on the situations of other places when you haven’t even been there. It’s pretty ignorant of you.

  3. I know right! The greatest defeat to equality are the women who still believe they are inferior. And that is just sad. It’s good to see you back Hiba. How have you been?

    1. I know. It really upsets me a lot…
      I’ve been good, Alhamdulillah…
      There’s just a lot of stuff I need to cover within these three months until exams. So I’ve been busy…
      Thanks Ameena. How’ve you been?

  4. Omg thank you, someone finally said it! It always shocks me how the women are bringing down other women. Like how does not make any sense?
    How can a woman say “ah those stupid feminists, always nagging about human rights, it’s your job to please men” ?
    They’re fighting for your rights!
    Anyway great post Xx

    1. I know right?
      Those women just completely defeat my purpose as someone that’s fighting for their rights. :/
      Anyhow, thanks Batool 🙂

    1. I do.
      I guess as men there are things you will never truly understand about our views.
      We were created different after all…
      Thanks though 🙂

      1. Why fezaan, I never said that you do insult women. The fact that you don’t insult and discourage women doesn’t change the fact that most men do.
        Not all men are sexists but that doesn’t mean we stop addressing sexism for the people that still are.
        Not all people have cancer but that doesn’t mean we stop trying to find cure for cancer.
        And the fact that you don’t insult or discourage women, it only makes you a minority. And as much as we appreciate it, you don’t deserve some special thanks for being a decent human being to us.
        I may be coming off as harsh, but that’s just how it is. May Allah reward you for your good will and intentions, but I don’t think I owe some great thanks to you. I do acknowledge it though.
        We’re not blind to men that are supportive. Keep being that, may Allah reward you.

      2. I don’t seek any appreciation for anything that I need to do. The fact that you encompassed the problem with masculinity in general confused me. In fact it can just confuse anyone. There’s only a tiny minority among us who stand and walk alongside you doesn’t mean you can include them also. Atleast there should have been a clause of exclusion for them too. I respect every word that came off you and you are right, you don’t owe me any thanks. You’ll rise, no matter what.

      3. Well, maybe you’re right. But it’s almost always implied. Women acknowledge it and they know it without me having to point out the efforts of those few men like you.
        But maybe as a formality, I should’ve mentioned it.

  5. Ugh. SLAY girl, SLAY. This is so good. I had a ridiculous discussion with someone just on International Women’s day, and she was complaining about feminists and why they’re annoying. I wish I checked your blog earlier so I could have said this to her. We need to raise each other up. Really great post, Hiba! ❤ xo

      1. I agree too! Studies has it own fun, but you miss the craic (VERY Irish word.. Best description tho!) you’d have online with writing and reading blogs. Sigh, there is never enough time for everything 😥

  6. It’s not always men. Men don’t defeat women because they think it would be unethical. Secondly women could easily be jealous of seeing other women succeed so yes, they use men to bring the other women down.

    1. Haha don’t make it sound so chivalrous. Yes there are a “few” men who don’t defeat women cause they’re not unethical, but most men do try to defeat women. They just don’t succeed I guess. Nor do women. Cause it’s not meant to be a competition. And honestly there’s no competition between men and women. Neither will win, nor will anyone lose. It’s just a struggle that women put up in order to achieve certain privileges that men feel they are inherently entitled to alone.
      It’s the women themselves that turn it into a competition and debate about how it’s not really necessary. Maybe not for them cause they don’t dream big, but many women do dream big and they do deserve a chance at it.
      Also, well I don’t think it’s envy entirely… May be it is, but I don’t really think so. I just think that those women are too naive and shallow. They are the women that happily gave up their rights and accepted whatever society fed them. I find those women disappointing, cause women deserve so much more. Honestly, I’m not even angry at those women, I just feel deeply hurt for them.
      You know what’s sad is that it’s okay to have an opinion different from mine. What’s not okay is to let that opinion decide the fate of other women. So what if you think it’s unnecessary. Live your life the way you want and let other women achieve their dreams in peace.
      Live and let live, right?
      You don’t wanna fight for the cause, then don’t. But stop telling other people to give up the fight too. It’s not really the best thing to say to someone.

      1. I am sorry. What i mean is that we are careless about our prestige or privileges but when it comes to someone connected to us we don’t let their prestige take a fall.. Women do counter that. Men are thankful and always have been but a women would strive for anything that she think would’ve been with her or beside her. They are a powerful correspondent yet they do take wrong steps that a men would never. I’m not saying if doing something like that or getting something in this way is wrong, I’m just saying few things are unethical in a way if you think what you mind for yourself would mind for others. I don’t intend to prove you wrong nor did I say anything that proves you wrong I just added up something that men are not always the one who get envious and all. Sometimes it’s a women who just want to take it all. Which isn’t bad after all.

      2. I don’t agree with all of it, but I get your point. Making sweeping generalizations about the sexes is a little ignorant. Good and bad exist everywhere. In men and women too. 🙂

    1. Omygod Ishmaaaaaaa’!!
      SAME!!
      Lol, I’m Alhamdulillah. Bas my studies are demanding too much time, but it’s still pretty enjoyable. I’m such a nerd 😝🤓😎😂
      I miss blogging though. I feel like my English is going down the drain due to not writing anymore 😶
      Anyhow, how are you doing, how’s life been? Mines been crazy. My friends are all mad at me for not making time for them 😭

      1. haha high five!!!! I knw same here!! plus many more happening !!! 😦 hahaha I too felt hat.. wow that feeling of my English going low was mutual!!! 😀
        hahahah exactly!!!!! My friends and cuzns are killing!!!!!!!! 😛 combined attack!! I visited my home town!

  7. Hiba, I would just like to take this moment to applaud you on everything you have written on this post. It is an internationally accepted fact that women have less rights than men. Yes, men have limited rights in area’s such as the guardianship of children (which is TOTALLY wrong) but on the whole they have far more rights than women. That is why the UN has had to create the sub committee of CEDAW (Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women). Every day millions of women are denied an education. Denied the right to work. To drive. To vote. Thousands of young girls are forced the undergo FGM. Rape. Acid attacks. Child brides. These are the reasons feminism is still so important. These are the reasons why posts like yours are so important.
    I myself am a white female living in the West, and presently women do not have reproductive autonomy in my country. I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like in certain area’s of the East. Your post really struck a nerve in me, because, yes, all too often it feels like our biggest competitors in the fight for equality are other women.

    1. Someone finally seems to get the exact point I was making.
      Thank you, Len.
      I’m so glad you understood this.
      I can’t believe women who argue with me about how everything is already fine and that we don’t need to work more towards gender equality… It blows my mind, and honestly, in those situations you don’t even know what to say to those women. They just don’t wanna hear it…

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