Of humans and journal pages 

It was always a torture opening up in front of other human beings… Potential judges, weapons… which you feed with your own trust till they use it against you.

Pencils and papers were always my friends. Silent, open, blank, unbiased, and always on my side. Sometimes they even let me weep over them and smudge their pretty pages in ink and tears…

They never spoke a word against me. Never in my favour either really, but they let me fill them with my self. What could be a better commitment than to allow a human to completely fill you up…?

These pencils wrote a quadrillion words to express my pain and these pages absorbed ’em all like they were it’s own.

But then I stopped.

I found a person similar to that. I filled him and filled him with lots of love. I filled him till there was no more space to fill. He absorbed my pain just like the pages of my diary did. And he let me cry on him too. He did more in fact. He wiped those tears away for me.

But human beings are deadly weapons. They operate by choice and mood of their own.

All you have to do is load them up with your trust and your secrets. Tell them your flaws and your mistakes. Tell them your regrets and the truth about yourself and wait to see how the gamble turns out. More often than not they will shoot it all back together at you when you will be least expecting it.

They’re the revolver and your trust, the bullets. Tell them all your secrets and fill them with your trust and it will be the same as loading up a gun with bullets. Tell them more and more till there’s no space to fill them anymore and they’ll be a wholly loaded gun pointing right at you.

Now smile and say I trust you.

Soon after you’ll hear screams and find the paramedics collecting your traces off the ground.

– Hiba 


36 thoughts on “Of humans and journal pages 

      1. When I started reading and read the part about having nobody else other than paper and pencil I thought about Allah and wanted to comment it. But then YOU stole my comment. Not so cool.

    1. Don’t swear 😦
      Also.. yeah well.. I guess so :/
      It’s the double standard. That’s even worse.
      Thanks though.
      Love you, Hira 🙂

  1. But we are weak by nature. Sometimes pen and paper are not enough. Sometimes we need more. Like you said, humans do more. They wipe your tears, wash away your insecurities, and turn your vulnerability into strength.

    The world runs on trust. People generally try to live up to the trust placed on them by others. Sometimes we do run into people who like to play with our emotions, but in the long run they become far and few. The issue lies with us. When we are young, we tend to place our trust on the wrong sort too easily. As we grow up, we learn from our mistakes. We find people who will do anything but break our trust. The trust in their case becomes a bullet proof vest. And when life fires its bullets, they will put on the vest and take the bullets for you.

    Have faith.

    P.S. Good post. Made me think about life.

    1. I’ve found those people too… who wear their bullet proof vests and take every bullet for me… I just wish they always remained in my life though.. and never went away..

      Thanks for reading, Irshad. It’s good to see you back here on WordPress 🙂

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